To someone who took the time.....

My encounters with true friendships have been few and far between and if I were to be honest, I have to say I don't regret having experienced it so scarcely because I always thought that the scarcity of the experience is what made it so memorable. It is what pevented me from taking my second family for granted. It is what reminded me of how lucky I am that these people thought it was worth it to accept me for the way I was, no matter how flawed. It reminded me that I should be more thankful than cynical about life because I had something which most people search for, but very rarely find......or so I thought.

In the past few days, I finally realised that I had managed to ignore everyone of these reminders... A friend of mine (at this point I am still wondering if she will let me call her that) very recently told me that I crib too much and perhaps what she was indirectly trying to tell me is that in a haze of self obsession, I had forgotten how to appreciate and understand people who wanted to stick with me through thick and thin, and that I am making it very difficult for them to make that sacrifice.... I don't know why I am writing this entry because call me crazy, but I always thought that public diatribes on one's regrets in life are completely pointless. What's broken can be fixed, but it always leaves a scar. Perhaps I am writing it to let my friend know that I finally understand and truely regret what I came dangerously close to becoming. Perhaps I want her to know that I finally understand how much I have disappointed her constantly, that I am baffled by how she has chosen to accept and ignore so many of my antics, and I hope she gives me one last second chance before she writes me off completely. So T if you are reading this don't worry nobody reads my entries anyway so it isn't that public, and this time my phone will be switched on, on 1st October!!

"We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." Amy Marie Walz