My encounters with true friendships have been few and far between and if I were to be honest, I have to say I don't regret having experienced it so scarcely because I always thought that the scarcity of the experience is what made it so memorable. It is what pevented me from taking my second family for granted. It is what reminded me of how lucky I am that these people thought it was worth it to accept me for the way I was, no matter how flawed. It reminded me that I should be more thankful than cynical about life because I had something which most people search for, but very rarely find......or so I thought.
In the past few days, I finally realised that I had managed to ignore everyone of these reminders... A friend of mine (at this point I am still wondering if she will let me call her that) very recently told me that I crib too much and perhaps what she was indirectly trying to tell me is that in a haze of self obsession, I had forgotten how to appreciate and understand people who wanted to stick with me through thick and thin, and that I am making it very difficult for them to make that sacrifice.... I don't know why I am writing this entry because call me crazy, but I always thought that public diatribes on one's regrets in life are completely pointless. What's broken can be fixed, but it always leaves a scar. Perhaps I am writing it to let my friend know that I finally understand and truely regret what I came dangerously close to becoming. Perhaps I want her to know that I finally understand how much I have disappointed her constantly, that I am baffled by how she has chosen to accept and ignore so many of my antics, and I hope she gives me one last second chance before she writes me off completely. So T if you are reading this don't worry nobody reads my entries anyway so it isn't that public, and this time my phone will be switched on, on 1st October!!
"We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." Amy Marie Walz
Friday, July 9, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Me, MYself and I: an essaY on the beloved narcissist
What do you do when you realise that the world actually looks up to chauvinistic racists??? Welcome to a Saturday afternoon in what people insist on calling a temple of knowledge. The narcissist stands in front of future leaders (atleast that's what he thinks!) and in full consciousness enlists his various criminal acts and his proteges applaud each sinful act. And in the corner sits the high priest of the temple, basking in the pride that comes with creating such a monster and out comes the occasional approving chuckle from the half wit. What's worse is that this brainless twit of an excuse for a human being will be responsible for the collective destinies of not one, but hundreds.... Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce with a heavy heart and dejected soul, Generation 'I'll applaud anyone who makes crass and inappropriate remarks' and their overlord Mr 'I am God's greatest creation and you better revere me especially when I refer to myself in the third person.'
Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen to the end of your intelligence and the death of your soul. By the end of this day you'll learn that if you can parrot of some lines from some renowned author's book, the world will be convinced of your intellectual prowess and will listen to you with keen ears even if all that spews out of that mouth of yours are not so subtle hints of jealousy against your peers that you have allowed to fester for years upon years because they made a choice which prevented you from lording over them with your monetary greatness. By the way, the narcissist insists that money is of no relevance. Don't worry ladies and gentlemen, the narcissist will teach you the art of hypocrisy as well. Free of charge of course!! But coming back to the delightful jealousy, which can only be described as some sort of long and drawn out mid life crisis of the narcissist, he will also teach you how by ranting on and on about that jealousy like a petulant child, you can entertain and draw applause from a crowd of similar half wits.
Whoever thinks that education ensures character, integrity and all that other stuff, might just want to meet the narcissist first, unless you are a spawn, sibling or in any unfortunate way related to the narcissist, then you are well on your way to greatness and power....
Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen to the end of your intelligence and the death of your soul. By the end of this day you'll learn that if you can parrot of some lines from some renowned author's book, the world will be convinced of your intellectual prowess and will listen to you with keen ears even if all that spews out of that mouth of yours are not so subtle hints of jealousy against your peers that you have allowed to fester for years upon years because they made a choice which prevented you from lording over them with your monetary greatness. By the way, the narcissist insists that money is of no relevance. Don't worry ladies and gentlemen, the narcissist will teach you the art of hypocrisy as well. Free of charge of course!! But coming back to the delightful jealousy, which can only be described as some sort of long and drawn out mid life crisis of the narcissist, he will also teach you how by ranting on and on about that jealousy like a petulant child, you can entertain and draw applause from a crowd of similar half wits.
Whoever thinks that education ensures character, integrity and all that other stuff, might just want to meet the narcissist first, unless you are a spawn, sibling or in any unfortunate way related to the narcissist, then you are well on your way to greatness and power....
Friday, January 1, 2010
The Christmas Miracle and New Year BirthdaY!!
25th December 2009, 2.35 a.m.
An overturned car somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
BLINK
Am I asleep or did that really just happen.
BLINK
This really is the middle of nowhere.
BLINK
Everyone is alive, but very silent.
BLINK
The car door is jammed. It eventually opens after a lot of panic driven kicking.
BLINK
A muddy farm with thorn bushes. Everyone is banged up a bit, I am not. That's odd.
BLINK
Frantic phone calls to emergency services. 30 minutes pass.
BLINK
A charity hospital somewhere. A doctor, half asleep, prescribes pain killers. The condition of the hospital and the doctor makes me contemplate, should I or shouldn't I?
BLINK
8 am. Slept in a hospital bed. Merry Christmas to us.
BLINK
Left the hospital. No one seemed to care that we just walked out of there.
BLINK
See the crashed car in daylight. How are we still standing?
BLINK
On the road again, but going the other way.
BLINK
Why do people say that your whole life flashes before your eyes when the time comes? Didn't happen to me or did I on some subconscious level know it wasn't time.
BLINK
Beautiful hills and streams along the way. Why am I appreciating these more than I usually do?
BLINK
10.30 pm Home sweet home.
WARM BED
So it wasn't exactly Christmas trees, cookies and carols, but I am still in one piece. I am starting to believe that life has a plan for me after all...
1st January 2010...
I have never been much for birthdays. They never turn out the way I want them to anyway. Why not? Let's just leave that for my actual birthday. But after a rather long New Year entertainment marathon, I woke up to the oddest surprise. Apparently, a fair number of people were under the impression that I grow older with each passing year. Literally!! Anyway, this year seems to have started on a high note...2 birthdays :)
An overturned car somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
BLINK
Am I asleep or did that really just happen.
BLINK
This really is the middle of nowhere.
BLINK
Everyone is alive, but very silent.
BLINK
The car door is jammed. It eventually opens after a lot of panic driven kicking.
BLINK
A muddy farm with thorn bushes. Everyone is banged up a bit, I am not. That's odd.
BLINK
Frantic phone calls to emergency services. 30 minutes pass.
BLINK
A charity hospital somewhere. A doctor, half asleep, prescribes pain killers. The condition of the hospital and the doctor makes me contemplate, should I or shouldn't I?
BLINK
8 am. Slept in a hospital bed. Merry Christmas to us.
BLINK
Left the hospital. No one seemed to care that we just walked out of there.
BLINK
See the crashed car in daylight. How are we still standing?
BLINK
On the road again, but going the other way.
BLINK
Why do people say that your whole life flashes before your eyes when the time comes? Didn't happen to me or did I on some subconscious level know it wasn't time.
BLINK
Beautiful hills and streams along the way. Why am I appreciating these more than I usually do?
BLINK
10.30 pm Home sweet home.
WARM BED
So it wasn't exactly Christmas trees, cookies and carols, but I am still in one piece. I am starting to believe that life has a plan for me after all...
1st January 2010...
I have never been much for birthdays. They never turn out the way I want them to anyway. Why not? Let's just leave that for my actual birthday. But after a rather long New Year entertainment marathon, I woke up to the oddest surprise. Apparently, a fair number of people were under the impression that I grow older with each passing year. Literally!! Anyway, this year seems to have started on a high note...2 birthdays :)
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